You Thought Wrong
by Nashayla
Summary: What are you supposed to feel when you've become everything you hate? What is a boy to do when he's got the world in his hands, without a clue as to what to do with it? Maybe that can never be answered, but there are other things Harry just needs to know.


You Thought Wrong  
Nasha Brownridge

Harry tore from Dumbledore's office, never looking back to the old man who stood with tears in his eyes outside his office door. This time there would be no talk, there would be no explanation. He wanted to run and hide from the world and never return to see the looks on all of their faces. Now he'd become this person...a person that he hated. Harry felt he'd become nothing more then Voldemort, just as loathing and horrible...he'd become a murderer, and he couldn't take it. Always he'd thought killing Voldemort would mean great things, but now he was sure that had all been a lie. Where was the happiness he was supposed to feel now that he'd won the second war for the world? Where was the pride and joy of which he was supposed to feel now that he'd seeked victory? But he couldn't have felt less the part of a hero...heroes don't murder, he thought miserably. Within minutes Harry had reached the portrait of the fat lady, but did not bother give a password. Spotting the tears in his eyes, with a cry she opened, revealing the portrait hole for him to clamber right in. Harry was relieved to find the common room almost completely empty, and was sure that Dumbledore had forbid the happy Gryffindor's from partying. Nevertheless, there were still two ghastly looking students sitting upon the large centered couch, both wearing an identical frown. Knowing it would be pointless to reside to his dormitory as he was sure they would follow, he fell back onto the nearest couch looking to the stained carpet.

"Harry that was brilliant!" said Ron, making a triumphant gesture with his arm in the air above his head before clapping Harry forcefully on the back. "That was a serious bit of dueling mate...I reckon even Dumble - Ow!" he said, but before he could finish his sentence Hermione punched him hard in the arm, causing his eyes to water. "What the bloody hell did you do that for Hermione? I just thought -" he was cut off by Harry's abrupt voice. How could Ron be so stupid at times? Why couldn't he see what this all meant to him..."You thought wrong..." thought Harry furiously, but couldn't bring himself to speak at all.

"You did the right thing Harry..." said Hermione's faint voice, so quiet that she could barely be heard. It seemed that was all anyone had to say to him anymore...they all just wanted to tell him how brave he was, or that he'd made the right choice. He was sick and tired of hearing everything over and over again...couldn't they see he'd be better off if they just said nothing at all? Perhaps they were all blind to it, but Harry would have thought Hermione being who she was, would think before she spoke.

"Oh really...You think I did, do you Hermione?" said Harry angrily, face flushed. "Since when has murdering someone been doing the right thing? Everyone seems to think I'm the little hero now he's gone, but don't you see? I killed a man Hermione...I KILLED HIM!" he said smashing his fist hard against the arm of the chair. Now not only was his head throbbing, but his hand then began to swell. Cursing under his breath, he stared carelessly at a stain on the scarlet and gold carpet. "Why don't you both clear off before I really loose it!" he snapped. Hermione and Ron exchanged nervous looks, both lost horrendously for words. They'd gotten slightly used to Harry snapping at them, but knew better then to leave him alone while he was suffering this badly and after all, they just wanted to help.

"No ones making you stay." said Ron coolly, now he'd reached his highest point of confidence. Harry seriously considered going up to their dormitory, or even running for the Room of Requirement, but somehow his feet just didn't want to move. Why did he have to be a man of such conscience? Why couldn't he leave without feeling the guilt that he'd just ran from his problems? With a low moan, Harry leaned back further into the couch, looking positively furious. With a slight grin, Ron sunk back in his seat quite satisfied with Harry's reaction. "You must've just arrived...I reckon Dumbledore wanted to talk to you didn't he?" said Ron curiously. Harry hesitated before nodding, thinking back to the tears in the headmaster's eyes. A voice very suddenly, coming from absolutely no where sounded through the room making the three students jump a foot out of their seats.

"Ah Ronald...indeed, if only you knew how right you are. I even reckon he'd come all the way to Gryffindor tower to talk to him...that is of course if he has no objections." said Dumbledore. It was not an order or a demand, but a mere request. The bounce in the mans step had disappeared, as he walked with elegance to the nearest armchair to the fire. Looking extremely awkward in the student-sized chair, he shuffled slightly in attempt to get comfortable. Hermione was looking quite uncomfortable as her eyes flicked to scan each one of the people in the room. With not even the trace of a smile, Dumbledore stared Harry directly in the eyes...just then Harry realized how old he really was. "If only I knew what to say in this situation to ease your pain, yet words have failed me. I do not believe, there is anything an old man can say to make you see what you did was not wrong...nor right." he said, confusing them all into oblivion. If it was not the wrong thing, or the right thing what had it been?

"I don't understand professor...?" he said after a moments pause, hoping Dumbledore would not say something as to confuse him more. For a moment in the dead silence, Dumbledore twiddled his thumbs upon his lap looking blankly to the ceiling clearly thinking of how to answer such a question. Hermione and Ron had edged to the corner of the couch, trying not to get too involved for they knew this was between not only headmaster and student...but friends. (To the extent of which it could be possible.)

"Tonight you were faced with a decision far greater then that I have ever seen made in my long lasting life." he began softly, his and Harry's eyes locking. "Your options were limited, and each option had its benefits as well as its consequences. Tonight you chose on your own accord, whether to die a legend or live a hero...but a murderer." said Dumbledore quite calmly. As much as the truth killed he was quite content with the fact that he was being told the full truth...most people didn't dare tell him anything which would make him anything but happy. "Most wizards...and witches my I add," he said looking to Hermione, eyes shining with tears. "Would have certainly taken what they believe the noble path, and that is to die at the hands of the dark lord. But Harry, there is one thing...you are not anyone. In your case it would not have been any more noble to leave then to remain. Do you see why Harry?" he asked. Not only did Harry shake his head...all three students within the room did.

"Because to die would mean to leave both magical and muggle worlds in fear...these past 17 years, for some you have been the only thing keeping them alive and happy. Sometimes, happiness means forcing someone else upon a life-time full of misery. Over the course of your life, not only have you suffered endlessly but you've been carrying a burden, and a very heavy one at that. You've taken not only criticism but the depression we've all put upon you, and you took it all very well indeed. One could say the world was in your hands...and in the end it is not my opinion that matters, but yours. I will not ask you to say aloud how you feel, you've done much of that already...but I do ask that you think about it. Did you make the right decision...the answer remains unknown, and it is you alone who can change that." he concluded, never breaking his stare.

Harry didn't know what to say, let alone what to feel. Should he feel happy for what he'd accomplished, or sad for the life that had been lost...or the many lives of those who'd been at battle alongside him? After Dumbledore's speech, Harry couldn't help but feel the pride of knowing the burden he'd been carrying for so long had been lifted, never to return again. He was feeling such mixed emotions he just couldn't decide which one he felt for sure. In the end it didn't matter as Hagrid had once said...what would come would come and he'd have to meet it when it did...and he'd done exactly that. There was no shame left to feel, and no tears left to shed, but the ones that had once escaped would always remain...it was one of those things that just couldn't be changed.

"But professor..." he said slowly, thinking to be sure of what he was about to say."Life isn't a choice between what's right and wrong is it? L-Like you said...Life is a decision between what's right and what's easy, and if there was no easy way out...no matter what I chose in the end, it was the right thing to do...wasn't it." he said firmly, feeling almost reborn. For the first time he was seeing something he'd failed to see all along. Perhaps Ron and Hermione sat there completely in a daze, completely confused...and no one expected them to understand, but he did. A smile broke the seriousness of Dumbledore's expression...it was the first time in a long while Harry had seen him truly happy.

"Ah...See it is not because of a scar or sacrifice that you are who you are today. It is not the decision of prophecy or fate that has saved you in the past...but it is because of your heart and soul as well as your understanding of life, that to this day you remain..._the boy who lived._"


End file.
